Forgiveness.
It's difficult, right?
For me at least, I have been finding forgiveness to be a struggle.
You see, when I zoom out and see the big picture of life, I can see God at work. I am able to find time every day to be thankful for His working and interventions.
It's when I zoom in that I struggle to move past the hurts, and sometimes the anger. There are specific memories that I can call to mind for which I am withholding forgiveness.
Can one truly forgive and still feel hurt and anger? I don't know the answer to that question, but I tend towards true forgiveness being a letting go of those feelings. And as long as I hold onto unforgiveness, those memories are still there, haunting me. That chapter, whatever it may be, is still open, when it simply needs to be firmly shut.
I can think of it this way:
My life is a diverse flower garden. There is life and beauty there. But what happens when the weeds spring up? They choke out the life, kill the beauty. Each memory, each "offense" that I choose not to forgive is like a weed in my garden. It has such power over me, to choke out life, to kill my joy, to prevent new beauty from springing up.
What to do?
It's time to put on some gloves and get down on my knees. I have the hard, dirty work of pulling up each weed, one at a time. That means taking each memory, the hurt, and the anger--examining it for what it is--and discarding it to a place outside of my garden, my life. Once I do that, it no longer has the power over me like it did when it was allowed to choke out my joy.
And it's an exercise I will need to perform regularly in my life, to keep everything growing.
For me specifically, it means handing it all over to Jesus, one by one, and asking him to fill the void, the hole, with something new and beautiful. I choose to forgive. And it means I get to move forward, no holding back, with joy and contentment, to see what else God has for me in this life.
Forgiveness.
It's beautiful, right?
