"Sarah, I know the perfect person for you."
"Oh really?" I responded. Skepticism quickly sprang up, attempting to stamp out any tiny bit of hope I might have felt in that moment. "Yeah right," I whispered in my head, "I've heard that before." And I had. Typically instances like what had just transpired only resulted in deep disappointment on my end. It honestly didn't shock me when she shared that he was in prison, but it did fuel the chorus of doubt in my mind. "No way," I told myself. But as the evening continued and she shared more about this "mystery man," hope had indeed peeked its way through the cloud of doubt. My journal entry from 12.5.15 says it all:
Tonight Abba, you gave me hope. Hope for the future, for my future husband. I don't know who he is, but he is out there, and I am reminded that you can drop him from the sky at literally any moment. I don't know if this Dillon guy has anything to do with my future, or if you brought him up simply to demonstrate your utter control (in the best possible way) and to assure me that you ARE working, no matter how little I can see.
You see, over the past decade, I couldn't even begin to tell you how many countless prayers were said and tears shed for my future husband. I was only really looking for one thing: a man of God, sold out for Christ. Heartache, hope, disappointment, expectancy...the cycle at times felt endless. But that's for another post.
Soon I received word that he had written me. So, as I checked my mail every day with expectancy, it was Christmas Eve, 2015, when I found my very first treasure. I raced up the stairs, the heartbeat in my chest matching the patter of my footsteps. I curled up on my couch, carefully opened the envelope, and in the dim light cast by a single lamp, I savored every word that Dillon had so thoughtfully put down on the page. It was only later that I learned just how carefully constructed and purposely focused that first letter was. To some it would be merely an introduction, but to me it packed a punch. It was this letter that very clearly confirmed to me that he "checked all the boxes," so to speak. Tears stained my cheeks as I finished that first letter, hope having transformed from a slight whisper to a clanging symbol in my ear. I journaled on 12.28.15:
But honestly...prison isn't what makes me nervous. And after receiving a letter from him, prison is still not what makes me nervous. Hope is. You see, there is this part of me, a big part if I'm being completely honest, that is hopeful that he is the one. And that terrifies me because it is like I am setting the stage for disappointment and heartache.
After that first letter, Dillon and I continued writing at an accelerated pace. I would devour his letters as soon as I got them and write back as quickly as I could in hopes that I would receive a prompt reply. He didn't disappoint. Those first letters were filled with openness, honestly, and vulnerability...three characteristics that we have since vowed will positively mark our relationship for the rest of our lives.
I have numerous journal entries from that time that echo the following sentiment:
Lord, if this man is not my husband, I pray you will intervene quickly and effectively to either remove him from my life or establish that knowledge with peace in my heart. Soon.
Abba, I yield my heart to you. I lay it open and exposed at your feet. It's vulnerable and unprotected. Take it and do with it what you will, because my trust is in you.
I had known in my heart for a long time that my story would be unique. I knew that I would wait whatever length was necessary to find a man who was sold-out to Jesus. I have since come to learn just how different my story would look from what is seen as "typical."
It didn't take long before Dillon asked me to consider coming to visit him. It also didn't take long for me to answer with a resounding "Yes!" in my heart. And so, on 2.14.16, I wrote:
I could very well be meeting the love of my life tomorrow.
So there, my friends, is where it all began. And that is where it will end tonight. I promise to keep working on this. I know this likely leaves you with more questions than answers, and I would honestly love to hear what questions you have. Comment or message me, whichever is more comfortable. Thanks for sticking it out!
